I know that true freedom is numbness to anything that does not reach toward truth, anything that says, “Yes, this life is just what it is; so I will make it as good as possible and enjoy that kind of happiness.” The life even at its best is NOT the best, and the happiness is not REAL happiness. They are distractions, and though the end result is pointing toward a truth that human beings are perfect and beautiful creations, they are not in and of themselves sufficient for us to grab hold of that truth.

Those who are beneath others look up to those above them and so they hold on to the hope that if they can reach higher they will take part in that supreme joy of being perfect and being more close to what we all innately feel we should be. Those near the top, however, look above them and see nothing but an endless road, leading toward a lit point that never grows, that is infinitely far away. It is there, it exists, but no one can reach it. There are always mistakes that hold us back, always wrongs that distract us, and so we can never reach even the FULL potential of a human being during the years we are alive. At that point, they begin to ask themselves, “If we cannot reach that point while we are alive, then why try at all?” Like students year after year studying for an exam; once you “pass” you are told that it is a placement exam with an infinite amount of questions and there is not way to finish all of them and get 100%. You can neither pass nor fail, you just “do your best” and then it’s over. Like life, doing your best then dying seems grim for those who don’t like the idea of running a wheel and going nowhere.

Where else can I put my hope? I suppose I’m not sure I believe or not in God, the source and end of my energy and objectives—and therein the problem lies.

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